The Reality of Silence


Most of us are familiar with the spiritual theory that everything we are looking for is in the “silence between thoughts”, but few of us truly comprehend the meaning…myself included. Generally it is the teachers themselves who have reached this level of understanding. Most teach around it, giving mankind day~to~day advice that can be used to eventually “reach the spiritual heights” necessary to even comprehend such an idea. The reason for this is that once we have reached a certain level we don’t need to be told about it, we experience it firsthand, when peace fills the spaces~ once~painful, as thoughts give way to silence.

I have struggled with the idea of silence for many years. Every advancement I have ever made has been because I have thought (and fought) my way through life. I’ve picked myself apart piece by piece, separating what is false from what is true. I have worked though my childhood traumas one by one with no small effort of thought. I have watched others who I yearned to be like and emulated what I saw in them to help perfect myself. How, then, can silence possibly outweigh the years of fighting to become this better “me” that I have become?


I think, therefore I am…Darwin

Dr. Richard Alpert describes two schools of thought. The Dualists believe that we must use methods to gain integration of all aspects of the psyche, discarding the method when it is no longer needed. The opposition (Dwightists, W. Dwight Whitney), believe that we should stop talking, stop thinking and simply BE. What’s ironic about Dwightists is that only those who have surpassed the method stage can follow their advice. I wouldn’t think that someone who has reached such a height would look back and expect everyone else to be able to follow along, but I suppose it seems so obvious a route to take that the process doesn’t occur to them. Though these Non-Dualists do have a point, it’s not exactly the most practical approach for the average person. They are absolutely right about the cessation of thought being the quickest route to complete understanding, the genesis of pure creation and the allowance of all the universe to rise to our every need. However, in my life I have found that I am just now able to be in a place still enough that I can reap the rewards that silence has to offer.

Once you begin to consider a concept it is likely that you are already heading towards the understanding of it, thus longing to understand is the first step in reaching towards these goals. Meditation is a great way to move in the direction of silence, but many people get easily disillusioned by the process because it is not quick and certainly not easy. We tend to complicate the simplicity of it and expect instant results or even noticeable results in a couple of weeks or a month.

Simplicity Einstein

We have become so used to thinking that we have a very hard time letting thoughts go. Generally the beginnings of meditation cause thought to increase rather than decrease and we find ourselves being lost in thought more often than we release it. I have found that until I’ve sat still for at least 30 minutes I cannot even begin to release my thoughts. This is why so few people succeed in reaching silence, most of us don’t have the time. Frustration can lead to an intensified thought process, called by some the “monkey mind” in which your mind furiously bounces from one thought to the other uncontrollably.

In all reality, we should all make time in our day to meditate, as it is the single solution to all the problems of life. There really is no such thing as having no time to meditate, though many of us (myself included) tend to believe this fallacy. If you look at people such as the actor Viggo Mortenson, who has a family, speaks three languages fluently and can hold a conversation in four others, writes poetry, plays piano, enjoys futbol, paints and pursues photography as well as owning his own publishing company, you can see that there is more time in a day than most of us realize. How is this possible? Being that time does not exist, we can stretch it if we so desire. When you reach for the stars you find that they reach to meet you in return and miracles are made. This is what I remind myself often and yet I still continue to keep myself from a consistent study of silence.

The first time I experienced pure silence was in a field. I had longed for a return to the relationship with nature that I had as a child, which had been lost to me over many years. While living in a duplex I found myself across the street from a field, where I began to sit when I had free time. I wasn’t trying to meditate or silence my thoughts in any way, I only wanted to get away and enjoy the sights and sounds of nature. I did begin to practice some techniques eventually, it was as if nature drew me towards it.


One day no different from any other I found myself sitting in a chair I had dragged to the field. I was lost in thought, surrounded by tall buffalo grass and all forms of wildlife. Staring off into space my mind got quiet as I listened to the waving of the grass in wind and the songs of birds.

Suddenly everything human inside me ceased to exist. I was absolutely silent inside, devoid of any thought. I was not myself any more than I was the wind that blew the grass, the grass that housed the insects, the insect that moved down to the soil and the soil itself. The feeling was that of pure Oneness with all things and it was utter bliss. I had the ability to experience existence as everything simultaneously.


Other, more recent experiences with silence have produced the same results. There is a wave that emanates from the source of all that is good, a wave that is blocked off by thought. Think of silence like a cure for every human ailment; medicine for physical sickness, neutrality for judgment, a oneness for separation and the quieting of the ego. When we are silent inside the true “us” is allowed to shine through…which just so happens to be all things in the universe. Without approval and disapproval we can traverse the world without hurting anyone or anything. We say the right things at the most perfect moments when we are not speaking through the ego. Without a brain full of useless thoughts we learn faster and retain more. We see opportunities open up for us that we had held ourselves back from with doubts and worries. We meet people that we never would have met before. Beyond the infinite benefits, silence is living in a world where all is as it should be. It’s the single cure~all, the sole answer for the hindrances that hold the soul back from advancement. We are silence, the state of thought is unnatural to us. It’s nothing we are learning, rather something we are remembering. We came from silence and to silence we return.


We spend so much of our thoughts trying to solve the problems that would organically disappear were we to incorporate silence into our lives. Truly it can be said that heading in the direction of silence is the single most important endeavor of man. Ironically it is the least~sought of all endeavors, but even this is part of the plan. In silence we see that all, truly, is as it should be, in every way. Once we are on the path we can’t exactly stray from it. Maybe we’ll move slower in the direction of advancement than those who do make time for silence, but we will progress nonetheless.

After living in silence for awhile I began to pull away from the polar opposites of both highs and lows; those obsessive qualities of man that are equally distasteful when the trustworthy and constant state of silence is attained. I began to see that suffering is most often due to thinking that the world isn’t as it should be; an ingrained belief that things are only right when we feel good, and that when we feel bad we have fallen away from goodness. A series of less~than~enjoyable events can build on each other until we have lost our way. But silence is a state one can return to in any situation, causing immediate relief by peeling back the layers we build up and returning to the beginning again. Once you come to rely on silence, you don’t want the manic highs anymore than you want the depressive lows. To be the tree in this image is to be silence. Pure existing, without the downfalls of thought.

Birds of Joy and Sorrow

V. Vasnetsov’s “Birds of Joy and Sorrow”

The secret is to enjoy every step, and silence holds the most enjoyment we could possibly experience. We should not berate ourselves for how far from silence we have strayed because every waking moment we are choosing to walk towards it or not, depending on what is most important to learn at any given moment.

If you take anything away from this, let it be your right to choose what direction you will take. I have only briefly tasted of silence, I am no more adept at it than most. However, I can assure you that once you taste even one drop of the bliss that awaits you in silence you will do everything in your power to get more. When each breath is a gift that makes you want to cry with the joy of simply being alive, but you don’t cry because you are calm and sure and steady, you see that you were meant for silence and that your soul is forever longing to return to it.

I’ve posted a page with a short video from Eckhardt Tolle with some good advice for how to practice silence during an average day.

Let’s just…think about it. Hehe.

Silence 1

In Wait For The Other

Twin Flame F

Man’s need for understanding and acceptance is almost universally shared, as is man’s cynical outlook on the possibility of these desires fulfilled. However, as realistic as we are about human relationships and as honest as we are about the odds, most of us are still secretly wishing for that one person that understands; that true love, that fairy tale love that too many no longer believe exists. That love would be the answer to every question rumbling inside like so many earthquakes, upheavals of the abandoned soul.

These days technologically-sponsored interaction often replaces the one~on~one experience and relationships rarely last. Many people have become resigned to be with whoever comes along and acts interested, or who has the most details in common. Once in a relationship, the “honeymoon period” doesn’t last long enough, and alertness to the fact that something is still missing dulls. People don’t think it’s odd that they are not getting what they need from a relationship because they look around and see that no one else is getting what they need, either.

Eventually these relationships evolve based on past negative experiences and bitter bonds are formed, walls that hold people from true acceptance and agreement. Categories are created and filled as being right takes top priority. Soon it’s man against woman or alpha against beta.

Many people have never known what happiness feels like, but that doesn’t stop them from wanting it. Deep inside, that ‘something’s not right’ feeling hunts them, keeps them ill at ease. Days, months and years wind by in lonliness and singularity and sometimes people just give up.


Spiritual study can make us feel like something is wrong with us if we haven’t created that perfect someone in our lives. The fairy tale relationship is widly publicized in such circles. There are websites on the “twin flame” relationship, with suggestions on how to draw our Other Half towards us by opening our chakras or sending out energies. We start to believe that we cannot be whole without the Other in our lives.

We take up the quest. In every face we search for the One, knowing that once we find he/she our troubles will be over. But the “true Flame” relationship is even rare amongst those who have found who they were searching for. There are all manner of documented accounts of those who feel they’ve found their “twin flame” but have been rejected. After awhile people feel their time ticking away and fear they won’t know how to tell if they’ve passed the Other by without knowing it. The entire process is rife with sorrow and uncertainty, like staring into the abyss of eternal longing.



Some spiritual teachers claim that there is no such thing as a “twin soul”, because we are all originate from the same Source. They are right. However, there is definitely something akin to the twin soul out there. I know because I have found mine. Perhaps He is the closest in proximity vibrationally, I’m not sure. All I know is that I have found what everyone is searching for.

From this vantage point I look around and see that every one of us is headed towards this end, if not in this life then eventually. I was once lonely, misunderstood and misunderstanding just like everyone else. One day loneliness no longer served my purpose, and only then the Other came. If I’d have spent those years perfecting myself instead of obsessed with the search for someone to make me feel whole, I’d have saved myself much anguish and been more an equal to Him, who had spent His years wisely.

Look around you, you’ll see the process everywhere. There are trees that have grown thick of trunk in the forest as well as those that are ripped from the soil to make way for shopping malls in the city. There are cats who are starving, discarded on some gravel road and there are those whose job it is to be loved. Everyone and everything is in the process of change, or the refusal of change.

Once you have found your Other, you will look back from heaven and see that we really are choosing our reality moment by moment. You’ll be able to trace every single step it took to get there. You’ll see that every year of loneliness was of dire importance to your growth and that you had to take every step in order to be in the perfect position to benefit (and get benefit from) such a love.

What is it that you are moving towards? Bliss. Utter and complete cooperation. Total understanding and acceptance, eternally. “Arguments” consist of one person wanting the other to choose the movie you will watch. Every choice is made together, falling into the rhythm of picking up where the other left off, whatever that may mean. It does not mean you are perfect, it means that you allow the other completely, and they you.

Twin Flame 9

Twin flame relationships are so often sensationalized by images of sexual beings interlocked in embrace. Though the human, sex~based versions of ecstasy are true of this relationship physical desire is secondary, the least of the pure ecstasy a complete soul union with another is capable of providing: another entire dimension of life, unspoken words between the words, exquisite moments invisible to the crowd, inside jokes that no one else would care to comprehend, full cooperation. It is a relationship too magical and amazing to be shared with others, and often sharing it generally causes people to feel the lack in their own lives. Thus, the discovery of the “final home” within another should be a journey the two of you take largely alone. You won’t need to tell people about it, everyone will benefit from what you’ve found.

Many videos you can watch about this topic speak of a certain responsibility these couples have to the world, two souls as “Lightgivers” (or any number of other names) who must dedicate themselves to use their connection to help those around them in some way. It’s not something you must go out of your way to achieve. By simply learning to love yourself completely through your love of the Other, the two of you carry Light wherever you go. Everyone that knows you loves to be in your presence because you love yourself, and them. You are comfortable with yourself enough that you can be comfortable with anyone just as they are. People pick up on that, they hunger for acceptance. It’s incredible to watch people melt and soften, laugh and be themselves because they are allowed to. Even those who react negatively to everyone else can’t get enough of the Love that spills so organically out to them through the Two. Every moment that others are allowed through you to be the very best they can be, they move towards their own goals, their own dreams realized, their own Love. Twin Flames are mirrors that reflect the very best of others back at them.

Twin Flame D

The first step is to give up the obsession with finding such a One. In this lifetime you may and you may not. The truth of the matter is that your true intent may even be hidden from you; you may have come here specifically not to find your Other. You won’t continue to put yourself in a position to be alone once your time to be alone is done. It’s the hardest thing to do, to give up searching for the Other. You need, instead, to wait for the Other, and in that waiting do them (and the world) the service of perfecting yourself.

I met my Other ten years before we realized we were One…whatever being One means. Thank the stars I had that ten years, I would have ruined it all. When I met Him I was a drug~addicted depressive, the opposite of what Love represents. Even once I knew He was mine I squandered precious years, feeling like the time ticking away between us was lost forever. I used to wonder if we would ever be ours. The stress I put on Him because of my rushing only made our separation more difficult. I spent every moment attempting to somehow force events to work in our favour. It only hindered our progress towards eachother. Hindsight is, indeed, 20/20.

One single year with the Other made up for a literal eternity that I was alone. October marked our 5th anniversary, and we laughed thinking about past times that seemed so profoundly desperate. We must always remember that time really does not exist. Six minutes can be a lifetime in bliss, and we still have 40 years ahead of us.

Twin Flame Stellar

How do you know if you have found your Other? I have seen this question asked over and over. The answer is resounding: you cannot not know. If you aren’t sure then chances are it’s not the Other you’ve found. You begin remembering not only the past lives you’ve spent with them but those you’ve spent without them. Synchronicity and symmetry abound, such as happening to look at the clock every time it is 11:11. Everywhere you look they are there, in everything. Magic happens all around you. Whether or not the two of you are ready to be together, or ready to make changes so that you can be, you both know without a doubt that you were somehow meant.

When I first found Him we thought of ourselves as twins in the sibling sense. I called him Brother, He called me Sister. Slowly our feelings grew but we denied them, as we were both in other relationships at the time. One day He happened upon Twin Flame videos on YouTube, but kept them from me because they all had some sexual connotation or spoke of two in love. Two weeks later I happened upon the same videos quite by accident. He confessed to having already seen them. We both knew that we were Twin Flames, but wondered why there were no videos about those who were Sister and Brother like us. We searched for others and couldn’t find them. Eventually we had to accept that we were in love.

I broke my bonds first, which went more smoothly than I could have planned. The dissolution of His relationship, in the end, had nothing to do with Him. Everything happened as it should because we were never dishonest or untrue. Rushing anything before its time would have caused a catastrophe and possibly may have kept us apart. I have heard accounts of those who are too afraid to change everything about their lives and go on without one another. This seems devastating, but I can easily see how it might happen.

Twin Flame Lost

My Other had much more to change and to lose than I did. He was married with children, whereas I only had a boyfriend. He could very well have refused to change and spent His life without me. The decision would have been agonizing, but His wife was already not happy and it was she who ended the relationship. Now she is happy; going back to school, moving towards realization of her dreams, and the children enjoy two families that love them. My ex~boyfriend started biking and eating right, cut his hair off and lost weight and is now doing well also. We’re better friends than we ever were. It’s worked out splendidly for all involved.

It’s important to remember that this union is the most beneficial to mankind. Moving mountains to make it happen, no matter how heavy, will benefit all involved, though doing this dishonestly will be your downfall. It’s also important to remember that moving towards your own happiness is the most beneficial step for mankind as well, no matter what that means doing. This fleeting human life is so small compared to what awaits, you are only hindering yourself if you refuse to take measures to move towards joy.

I do feel like finding Him has been the final step, in a sense. By letting go of the longing I now can fill that time with more important things. However, I only found Him because I was waiting, because that was the end I wanted from this life. Finding one who accepts you completely can be the final step you asked for in accepting yourself, which is one of the major reasons you’re here. So much of the things that bothered you incessantly about the world fade away and become pointless to discuss because you don’t want to ruin the moment.

The realization returns again and again: living as if we have already made our dreams come true is what calls those very dreams into being.  Your wait for the Other is best suited to becoming the happiest you, the most peaceful you, the “You” that you will be once you find Love with a capital “L”.

Diverging the Great Divisionary: The Religious Experience


All spiritual seekers sooner or later come to the fabled gate of the religious experience, emerging from a higher realm having experienced the “Oneness Of All Things”. Time and time again people account having ‘returned’ from their visions or journeys with this message. There is an ecstasy as we come in contact with this state, the purest essence of ourselves and everything that awaits us in the higher worlds of formlessness.

Though the visions are all different, each one tailor made to the visioner, the general theme is the same; the connection between every soul that has ever existed is a singular one, and all are connected in turn to the Great One who some call God, Source, It or Self.


Luca Girodano’s Dream of Solomon

Many life~changing visions have been recorded, including the famous atheist A. J. Ayer who, it can be said, did not die as such. I searched for comments online from people who have shared their experiences with the magic that awaits, finding a website which hopes to become the compendium for religious/mystical experience. If you have an experience to share you should post it there. Feel free to write any such experiences here as well.

Mystical Experience Registry

JungCarl Jung: “It was as if I were in an ecstasy. I felt as though I were floating in space, as though I were safe in the womb of the universe—in a tremendous void, but filled with the highest possible feeling of happiness. Everything around me seemed enchanted…Night after night I floated in a state of purest bliss, thronged round with images of all creation.”


Virginia Woolf: “If life has a base that it stands upon, if it is a bowl that one fills and fills and fills—then my bowl without a doubt stands upon this memory. It is of hearing the waves breaking, one, tow, one, two, and sending a splash of water over the beach; and then breaking, one, two, one, two, behind a yellow blind. It is of hearing the blind draw its little acrorn across the floor as the wind blew the blind out. It is of lying and hearing this splash and seeing this light, and feeling, it is almost impossible that I should be here; of feeling the purest ecstasy I can conceive.”

Jane GoodallJane Goodall: “It was at though the music itself was alive. That moment, a suddenly captured moment of eternity, was perhaps the closest I have ever come to experiencing ecstasy, the ecstasy of the mystic….it is hard now, after twenty years, to recapture that moment of ecstasy in the cathedral—although the experience has never left me. It became incorporated into the warp and woof of my very being. If I hear Bach’s fugue, no matter where I am, the result is the same: just as the chimes of Big Ben trigger an unconscious spasm of fear, so that music floods my whole being with love, joy, and a sort of spiritual exaltation.”

Arthur KoestlerArthur Koestler: “Verbal transcriptions that come nearest to it are: the unity and interlocking of everything that exists, an interdependence like that of gravitational fields or communicating vessels. The “I” ceases to exist because it has, by a kind of mental osmosis, established communication with, and been dissolved in, the universal pool. It is the process of dissolution and limitless expansion which is sensed as the “oceanic feeling,” as the draining of all tension, the absolute catharsis, the peace that passeth all understanding.”

Divining The Brain

The sign of a truly religious experience is that it drastically and permanently changes the way one sees and reacts to the world. The prime reason for that change is not meeting “god” or traveling to distant realms, but attaining a comprehension of self-love which leads to a love for all. When we learn that we are beautiful and perfect just as we are, it becomes much easier to understand the good and bad aspects of those around us as equal in benefit. As we learn to accept ourselves just as we are, we learn to accept others in the same manner and the world becomes an incredible, magical, amazing place to live.

That does not mean, however, that one becomes Mother Teresa overnight. In my experience I lived every life ever lived, experienced every experience ever experienced, and yet I am still prey to the most subtle judgments about others. The difference now is that I am (sometimes painfully) aware of these judgments as they happen. I see this as nothing less than a benefit, as the work of retraining the mind towards positivity is a process we should all become familiar with as quickly as possible.

Once we become aware of the subtle judgments we make about others, we look around and think it is no wonder that the world is as racially/socially/materially discriminatory as it is. Those of the Narrow Way are few, as any book on the subject of ascension will tell you. The rest of us, those who have not yet “awakened” to our true purpose, merely follow our thoughts wherever they take us. We do this every day of our lives, causing great suffering to ourselves and others. We judge others for the most audacious reasons.

The single reason behind the judgments we make of others is the way we feel about ourselves. My father used to remind me of this quite often when I was of school age, a ‘metalhead’ of the eighties with a particular disgust for ‘preps’. “What you hate in others is what you hate about yourself,” he would say. It would infuriate me, because in my mind I hated them for all the reasons they were different than me. And yet, looking back, I shared their same need to fit in, their same judgment of others. Pappa was right.

Love Hicks

Therefore, it behooves each and every one of us to think about those we judge and then search for the origin of that trait in ourselves. This is what some mean by humans as mirrors of one another. To be aware of our own disdain for others is to root out the aspects of ourselves that we disdain. When we find these bruises within ourselves we can stop ‘beating up’ those parts of us which we have deemed ‘unworthy’ and begin to accept that every single aspect of ourselves is worthy of the whole.

I went to see my twin sister today and she blew my mind. By her own definition she has spent 40 years as a ‘blind follower’ of the Christian faith. She is now blooming into a beautiful Christian, everything Jesus meant for her to be. Over the years I have sent her “New Age” videos that have gone unwatched and rejected. It’s understandable for a Christian to feel this way about such Paths, lead by people named Teal Swan and Abraham (the collective non~physical entity that speaks through Esther Hicks), as well as others with names like Ram Dass, whose ‘guru’ is the Maharaji. I understood why she rejected it, but still spent many years judging her for judging me.

Teal Swan

Teal Swan

Ram Dass

Ram Dass

Abraham HicksA couple of months ago I sent her a Ram Dass video…and it clicked. It was his blatant honesty about himself, his humility that she says she’s found little of in her own belief’s leaders. That’s not to say there are not gurus of the Christian faith, or any other faith for that matter. When something speaks to us we follow it, if it serves its purpose and we feel it departing, we move on from it. Lessons, lessons, everywhere. Part of what drew her to Ram Dass is that he is Jewish, and though she is not Jewish she has always closely related with that version of Christianity. Suddenly my religious sister began to speak of New Age concepts. She started asking questions, wanting to know what words meant that Ram Dass would say, like “guru” and “dharma”.

Swami Vivekananda

Today when I went to see her she said “Ram Dass is my guru.” I laughed and said “Cool!” to which she replied “No. I mean…he’s my guru, like…I feel him around me. He’s here. Teaching me.” I laughed again and said “Very cool!” He’s taught me a few things as well. I heard to him talk about guilt in a video on YouTube and it lead to an epiphany that caused me to exist in that place that Jung describes above; a couple of weeks of pure silence and acceptance of all things, lost in the pure bliss of moment~by~moment existence. When the experience began to fade I went back to listen again, hoping to catch the wave once more. Nowhere in the entire video had he ever mentioned guilt. That part that had so transformed me never existed.

In mere months my sister has advanced faster into awakening than I’d ever thought was possible. It took me 10 years of walking the Path to get this far, and in two months she has found a guru and has just about caught up with me. All it took was for her to work the steps of life that she was already working. That’s the key here, the concept most of us don’t grasp. It’s also a communal theme of the religious experience.

“Everything I do every day, every waking moment of my life is walking the Path.”

The realization I came to after experiencing every experience ever experienced is that every experience leads to the same end. We never ‘mess up’. We never ‘make mistakes’. We simply learn and change or refuse to change, both our choice. Even refusing to learn is a lesson. If we refuse to change, that lesson will come again at a later time, presenting itself once more as an opportunity to grow. Sometimes we learn parts of a lesson, and the more advanced part of it presents itself later in time. That’s the unique ability of physical reality. It’s why we came here, to learn in a physical, matter~based environment the lessons that will further our non~physical experience. When we have learned all there is to learn here we move back into the non~physical.


This is the basis for the concept of Oneness. We are ALL here doing exactly what we should be doing at the exact rate that we should be doing it. Every single one of us. To focus away from what others are “doing wrong” and towards what purpose we want for ourselves is to live the best possible life. What’s magical about this process is that the more we focus away from what displeases us about others, the less of that thing we experience around us. This is known as creating your reality. When you focus only on what you are doing and what you want to do, you move forward as quickly as possible.

The religious experience is akin to the woman who could not fully grow up until she had a child, or the man who looked down upon the poor until he lost everything. Until you have seen what is to come, the problems of Earth seem overwhelming and threaten to drive you to the point of madness. Once you step out and observe how fleeting this human life is and the vast spanse of eternity and endless possibility that awaits, you can’t ever go back to what you were before. You step one foot closer to that endlessness.

Religious Experience

I live in these waves sometimes, where something happens that triggers me to return to that experience of living all lives at once. Yesterday in Taco Bell I saw a young couple, obviously on drugs and angry at the world. They clung together like the denial of summer in fall, two leaves that would float down to the ground to be trampled by passing feet completely unaware of their existence: proof to them that the world was every bit as cold and compassionless as they’d been taught it was. As I watched their eyes scan the room in defiance and restlessness, daring anyone to stare at them, I saw a movie playing behind my eyes, countless other stories just like theirs; every life that had played out the same way, everyone who had ever taken that road, like grains of sand sifting in a giant hourglass. I was one of those grains of sand once. There is hope for them. There is hope for us all.