The Rose~Coloured Universe

Cocoon Nebula

It is so easy to sit here in my comfortable, safe living room, in the peaceful woods of a peaceful nation, and say that all is right with the world. I have all the food I could ever want to eat and at least enough money to live. I have white skin, blonde hair and blue eyes and know everything there is to know about “white privilege”.

Meanwhile there are people out there starving and suffering; not just a few people, many, many people. There are young boys with guns and men with knives caught in the middle of a war they do not want to fight. There are people sold into slavery; young girls in sex trafficking rings and women forced to sell their bodies for money they never see. There are mothers dying of AIDS with no one to take care of their children. People being oppressed for the colour of their skin and natural disasters that are killing and displacing thousands upon thousands of people. With every new terrorist act innocent people’s lives are being torn apart. There are physically~ and/or mentally~challenged elders who are being abused by the very people who are supposed to take care of them. Right now, at this very moment, there is someone somewhere being kept in a hole in the ground, beaten, starved, cold and alone, dreading the moment their captors return to do god~knows~what to them.

I could go on forever listing all the horrors of the world, they are too numerous to even name. When we turn our attention to the suffering of man we find that it overwhelms us.

Black RoseThough I have not experienced every type of suffering, I have experienced more than most people I know, yet it is nothing compared to what many people in the world experience. I can say that I am glad for what suffering I have experienced. None of it has been for any reason but for my own personal growth. In fact, it is my belief that I specifically asked for these things to happen and chose Earth as the place they would occur, precisely as they have.

This state of mind is incomprehensible when considering young children who are sold into slavery by their parents. It is a cold, calculated thing to say, when considering the ethnic cleansing and rape~genocide of the gentle peoples of the Sudan; that they would have asked for this thing to happen to them and specifically chosen for themselves atrocities beyond my comprehension or experience. I have never been there, and I could not possibly understand.

However, there is a place that I have been which few other people have ever witnessed, a place no one can say they have any complete understanding of. It is a place that answers the every question of human suffering. I call it the “Next”. The Next is what comes after this life. It is a place that any of us can go if we wish, at any time. This place is different for each person who goes there. It is what we are training for, to purify ourselves until we are ready to exist in the realms of pure spirit. This is a place that we came from, a place we are returning to. We chose to be here, now, living whatever life we are living right now, and when it is done we return to the Next and decide if we need to move on or come back here again. We return if we need different lessons, or if we want to help those who are here with the lessons they are living.

Purple RoseThere are many people who have visited this Next, people who have left the physical world and returned with the same message. This message is that we are all connected, and that all that awaits us is love. This Love instantly abolishes pain, instantly repays all suffering as if it never existed. You could have lived every waking moment of a human lifetime in excruciating pain and horror and enter the Next to find that you would do it all again, one million times over, in order to taste even one drop of that Love. Even the most evil soul would abandon its hate at the feet of this Love, and be taken in by it equally. We are not here to be judged, though that is not to say there is not justice in the Next. We choose our path and, by doing so, we choose our reward or punishment.

Every single one of us came from that Love and is a part of it. It is that very Love which we return to in the end. I have listed a few of the better~known experiences in my post entitled Diverging the Great Divisionary, with a link to a website that details many religious and mystical experiences.

Blue RoseSo many of us believe that Earth is our reality; that we are physical beings first and foremost and that when we die we become something else, something we never have been before. The Next showed me that we were not originally physical beings and that we have forgotten this fact. Not only that but we chose to forget, so that we could learn how to return over and over again.

Every one of us has been the abuser, and every one of us the abused. It all depends on which lifetime you are working in and what lessons you wish to learn. The purpose for this is to experience Every~ Experience~Ever~Experienced. We are explorers. What explorer does not what to know all that exists? On Earth our explorers climb the highest mountains, survey the depths of the oceans. Our souls are inquisitive. There is no nook or cranny that we do not want to know the full extent of, all that this life has to offer. In my Next I saw that it is the same with “God”, experiencing Every~Experience~Ever~Experienced through us; looking through our eyes, knowing suffering and joy equally through our choices. In the Next all realities exist.

Rose~coloured as I am, I believe that every soul creates its own reality. I cannot look at the person next to me on the street and say that his/her universe is not real, and yet we all tend to believe our own realities are the sole truth in the cosmos. This is a large part of why I have chosen to study physics. I want to try and help prove that thought creates all we see around us, and that there is no one Cardinal Truth.

Even those who don’t believe my version of the universe and the Next are right, they will not find what I have found when they move on. If you disagree with what you are reading here or do not want to believe it, you are right, it is not true for you. If something is not true for you then it is not true for your entire universe. You will look around and see zero evidence of it anywhere, and then be tempted to claim that it is not true for anyone. However, the more we realize that we are each our own universe, the less we judge others and the more we accept every universe as valid.

Green RoseIn my universe humans are multi~dimensional beings, and this is a concept that we are just now becoming familiar with. With each new choice we switch dimensions; in these brink moments we alter the direction we are headed. As rose~coloured as it sounds, any of us can choose to remove ourselves from any amount of suffering by working to change our base state.

Let us look to Darfur for an example. Th natives of that land never asked to be treated as they have been. They are a simple, beautiful people who, left to their own devices, would live in harmony. The moment that a Sudanese woman chooses to harden her heart and believe the evidence her situation tells her about the world (men are evil/the world is a horrible place full of pain/ justice does not exist), she concretes those facts into a truth and that truth into a reality. This alters her direction away from the Love she is attempting to return to. Who would blame her? She sees no evidence of justice anywhere. These are events completely outside her ability to control. Or are they?


If she chooses to love herself she moves one step closer to what she meant herself to be, which is one step further away from suffering. She now has a chance for peace, as opposed to holding on to the justifiable hatred and fear that would cause living to continue to be hell. When she believes in justice against all odds, she alters the world around her.

Her pain is overwhelming; every waking moment in fear, literally living a horror story. These women get raped and have children who grow up to be raped by their fathers. And yet, within dimensions of perception there are any infinite number of outcomes, which we, ourselves, control. I know how my rose~coloured view sounds, and it took me many years to get to the point that I could say it out loud. Anyone that has experienced the Next has seen the bigger picture, the outcome of all suffering and the justice that is served upon transition.

Cat's Eye NebulaThe choices are infinite here. We decided what lessons we wanted to learn, and physical life has created them for us. I speak from experience, it is this very process which set me free. As I, engulfed in utter darkness, reached for a light that I could not yet see, I found the light was also reaching for me. But this process takes time. Survivors survive because they want to continue.

What of those who don’t survive? What if that Sudanese woman chooses to kill herself rather than be abused one more time? What if, though she chose that suffering for herself, she decided that it was too hard for her and that she didn’t want to learn the lesson anymore? Some lessons are so hard, and cause so much suffering that humans remove themselves from the experience completely. If we could remember that we chose these experiences would they be any easier? Don’t we all have the choice to learn a lesson or to leave it? Who can judge her for leaving, for starting over?

I have found very few stories of those who survived concentration camps during WWII who have forgiven their abusers, much to the horror of other survivors.  Here is one such story of a woman who survived Auschwitz~Birkenau. She and her twin were experimented on by the infamous Dr. Mengele. Her entire family died in that camp, and her twin due to complications years later, yet she refused the justified hate, desiring, as she put it, to “remove the burden of the victim mentality from my shoulders”.

Eva Kor

Even in the face of the most inhuman acts that man can dish out, there are some that reach towards forgiveness. Those are the ones who will suffer less, but sometimes we come here to know suffering. Those who can forgive are the ones who will have a chance for happiness, because their hearts are not being eaten away by injustice. But sometimes we came here to know unhappiness. Those who refuse forgiveness are justified. Those who accept forgiveness have no justification whatsoever, they simply don’t want to suffer inside anymore. Carrying hate is so taxing, exhausting.

It seems that injustice is one of those events of physical life that people find it hardest to overcome. When there is no closure, no answer for the injustice suffered, our minds circle in attempts to try and make sense of it. The brain becomes obsessed with solving a puzzle that cannot be solved because pertinent pieces, such as a reason good enough to have done what was done, are missing. I know firsthand how insane that circling can make someone, how it can turn a life upside down.

Orange RoseIf Love is the ultimate end, how could the pain we suffer be needless and in vain? If everything is connected and love is the largest thing, no matter how brutal, how horrific, how devastating the suffering is, it is the blink of an eye compared to the eternity that awaits.

It is so easy to look at the suffering of the world from a point of pain and say that it is forced upon us, that we have no choice but to suffer. In that same sense, it is easy to look at the suffering of the world from a point of joy and say that it has every reason to exist, and that it is making us all better having experienced it. How could Heaven be so beautiful were Hell not so horrible? If life on Earth was peace and unity, what would we have to strive for? What purpose would a physical existence serve, if not to purify us in the magma of igneous change?

I no longer suffer. This is a thing that not many people can claim. That’s not to say that I do not experience pain, it’s simply that pain is now an external thing, no longer reflected on the inside. In truth, I feel guilty that I no longer suffer, because I’m terrified of forgetting what it was like to suffer and losing my empathy for those who still do. I’m afraid to become like others who turn a blind eye to the suffering of their fellow man. So I create physical ailments for myself. I’m quite good at it, no sickness that I have made for myself has any cure: sacroiliac joint dysfunction, spinal problems causing pinched nerves and severe migraines, fibromyalgia, carpal tunnel, psoriasis, eczema, keratosis pilaris, gluten intolerance and food allergies, diverticulitis, high blood pressure, uterine fibroids and cysts causing miscarriage and incontinence. I continue to create pain for myself because some part of me believes that as, as humans, we cannot escape it. Somewhere deep down inside me I believe that we should not escape it. Humans have believed these things for centuries. It’s not easy to deny our DNA, but we can.

Should I, with my white privilege and safe, comfortable lifestyle, continue on in pain as some form of punishment to myself for having created an existence in which I no longer suffer? What form of conundrum is this, that I have survived my upbringing, my rapists, my family, my abusers and myself, and yet I feel I do not deserve to live a life free of suffering? I could very easily have blamed the world for my problems. I could have justified the fact that others have done things to me and taken on the full role of a victim. I never asked for these things to happen to me, I didn’t deserve them. Who could have blamed me, if I had continued to suffer?


Yellow RoseHow many of us look at the homeless junkie on the street and see someone who has been hurt? How many of us look at the terrorist that killed 50 people and think that “Poor thing, he must have really suffered in his life”? Who does not judge him for believing in his cause as much as I believe in mine? If he can believe in a cause of pure hate then I can believe in a rose~coloured cause of a Love more pure than any Earth has to offer.

Suffering is relative. Who has suffered more, the boy who was beaten by his father once and committed suicide afterwards, or the boy who was beaten for eighteen years by his father and, with head held high, continued to live? The wealthy white man living on a Caribbean beach who wishes he was dead every day of his life, or the destitute black boy on the dangerous streets of Detroit that decides not to join a gang and goes to college instead? How can any of us look at another human, an entirely different universe than our own, and claim to know the weight of their suffering?

Racism is one way that people suffer, but is there more racism than there is starvation? Is there more starvation than abuse? Is there more abuse than their is war? Privilege denies pain, it says that one person has a life that’s easier than another. We are all here learning lessons from all walks of life. To claim that one person has privilege over another is to say that only certain kinds of suffering are relevant. It only perpetuates suffering and spreads ill will. Instead of pointing fingers we should all point to ourselves. As Tom Shadyac’s beautiful documentary says: “What is the cause of suffering in the world? Who is to blame and what is the cure?

I AM.”

It doesn’t begin by forgiving, I begins by learning to love yourself. The forgiving comes afterwards. In my personal universe, first I had to realize that none of what people made me believe about myself was true. Rape makes one feel worthless. Abuse makes one feel they deserve it. This belief in what has been taught hangs on much longer than we even realize. It, more than the abuse that was suffered, affects every waking moment of our lives. It causes us to have mental and physical ailments. It causes us to kill ourselves with thoughts (depression) as well as poisons (drugs/alcohol, etc) as, inside, we attempt to carry out the death sentence that we believe we deserve.

Once I realized that nothing I had been taught about myself was true, I was then free to re~discover exactly who and what I am, someone that I had never really known but had been told was bad. The more I made peace with myself the more peaceful the world became around me. Slowly I stopped being abused. I stopped abusing myself. I stopped being around people that hurt me. My world kept changing and changing with every new change inside me.

White RoseSome of us feel that, to remove ourselves from suffering, we must be removed from the world for a time. As we feel better and better we hide from anything that may cause us to feel bad again. We begin to believe that the rose~coloured universe is where we belong; that suffering is for those “out there”, and that if we stay “in here” we won’t be hurt again.

However, once suffering has breathed its last breath inside us we start looking at the world “out there” and realizing that we can actually help ease the suffering of others. We no longer want to stay hidden away from pain because we’re no longer afraid of it, because it has no power over us anymore.

Slowly but surely the outside world began to reflect what was on the inside. One day I looked around and realized that all the bad things that were happening to others weren’t happening to me, from the largest thing to the smallest thing. But I saw the suffering around me all over the world, and my heart broke because I remembered what it was like to be them. Americans suffer less than anyone, and we are hated most because we are largely governed by the inability to comprehend the suffering of others. I am both lucky and sad to be an American, because here are hearts that encompass everyone, and here are hearts that reject everyone. It would take much suffering for this country to remember its Oneness with the human family.

And yet I cannot change America, I can only change myself. From this place of non~suffering I see people reaching for what I have found. I share my maps with them, and my hope. I can say that I have suffered and come out the other side. I can only love others, hold their hand and listen to them when they need to talk.

Love is all we were given for our journey here, and everything that awaits us when we go.


“A man is the product of his thoughts; what he thinks, he becomes.”
“Nobody can hurt me without my permission.” ~ Gandhi (India)

“He who conquers others is strong; He who conquers himself is mighty.”
“If you realize that all things change, there is nothing you will try to hold on to. If you are not afraid of dying, there is nothing you cannot achieve.” ~Lao Tsu (China)

“Det är som mörkast innan gryningen” {It’s always darkest before the dawn} (Swedish Proverb)

“Human progress is neither automatic nor inevitable. … Every step toward the goal of justice requires sacrifice, suffering and struggle; the tireless exertions and passionate concern of dedicated individuals.” ~M.L. King Jr. (America)

“Nothing is more active than thought, for it travels over the universe, and nothing is stronger than necessity for all must submit to it.” ~Thales (Greece)

“Beyond right and wrong there is a field. I will meet you there.”
“Grief can be the garden of compassion. If you keep your heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest ally in your life’s search for love and wisdom.” ~Rumi (Persia)

“All action results from thoughts, so it is thoughts that matter.”
“Man learns through experience, and the spiritual path is full of different experiences. He will encounter many difficulties and obstacles, and they are the very experiences he needs to encourage and complete the cleansing process.” ~Sai Baba (India)

“Du skal kravle, før du can gå” {You must crawl before you can walk} (Norse Proverb)

“More tears are shed over answered prayers than unanswered ones.”
“Our body has this defect that, the more it is provided care and comforts, the more needs and desires it finds.” ~ St. Teresa of Avila (Spain)

“In order to carry a positive action we must develop here a positive vision.”
“We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves.” ~Dalai Lama (Tibet)

“The mind is everything. What you think you become.”
“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.” ~Buddha (India)

“If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.” ~Jesus (Israel)

“If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.”
“Love is a fruit in season at all times, and within reach of every hand.” ~Mother Teresa (Albania)

“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”
“If I am walking with two other men, each of them will serve as my teacher. I will pick out the good points of the one and imitate them, and the bad points in the other and correct them in myself.” ~Confucius (China)


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